The New Yorker

Vote Rhino '16

Ganye

Mahatma Ganye West. Darrel Perkins. Acrylic on Canvas. 2016. 9x12"

Composite portrait of two of the greatest humanitarians of all time.

Blizzard 2015

The New Yorker

Right Now

The New Yorker

Thanks, Abe

My Day With Leo

More photos of pictures of Leo and other celebrities at mydaywithleo.com

Mr. Bean - Art Class

Pizza in the Wild

Nature photographer Jonpaul Douglass has captured the elusive pepperoni pizza in it's natural habitat.

Joan Cornella - Carnaval

Louis C.K. Quotes

People ask "What happens after you die?" Actually, lots of things happen after you die. Just none of them include you.

“I’m bored” is a useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that you’ve seen none percent of. Even the inside of your own mind is endless, it goes on forever, inwardly, do you understand? The fact that you’re alive is amazing, so you don’t get to say “I’m bored.”

Friends should always tell you the truth. But please don’t.

Women try to compete. They’re like, “Well I’m a pervert. You don’t know. I have really sick sexual thoughts.” I’m like, “No, you have no idea. You have no idea.” “Cause you see, you get to have those thoughts. I have to have those thoughts. You’re a tourist in sexual perversion. I’m a prisoner there. You’re Jane Fonda on a tank. I’m John McCain in the hut.

If you’re a woman and a guy’s ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part
that would have made you sick if you could have heard it.

People say, “My phone sucks.” No, it doesn’t! The shittiest cellphone in the world is a miracle. Your life sucks. Around the phone.

You’ve got to be optimistic to be single. Stupid. You have to be stupid. That’s what optimistic means, you know? It means stupid. An optimist is somebody who goes, “Hey, maybe something nice will happen.” Why the fuck would anything nice happen?

I finally have the body I want. It’s easy, actually, you just have to want a really shitty body.

Young guys, they’re afraid of women. They’re afraid of their feelings. “My girlfriend’s mad at me!” Well, later she won’t be, fucking calm down. They’re afraid of their bodies, they’re afraid of women’s bodies. “My girlfriend’s having her period, what do I do?” Fuck her in the period hole, you idiot, what’s the dilemma? I don’t give a shit, if you’re having your period, come on over. I’m 41, I’ll fuck the shit out of you, I’ll drink the blood, let’s party.

Some things I think are very conservative, or very liberal. I think when someone falls into one category for everything, I’m very suspicious. It doesn’t make sense to me that you’d have the same solution to every issue.

Portlandia - Change The World

You guys, we need to mobilize... But look! A party tent!

Missed Connections for A-Holes

Ethan Kuperberg has compiled some of the best passive aggressive and sarcastic posts from Missed Connections. Head to The New Yorker for more.

You: sitting next to your backpack on the Brooklyn-bound L train last night.

Me: super tired, holding onto the rail, standing up. 

I asked you to move your backpack so I could sit down. You said you were getting off in “only one more stop.” I just nodded and looked away. I don’t know if you will ever see this, but if you do I’d love to meet up. Manners are sort of my thing, and I’d love to teach you some.

* * * 

I was at a coffee shop in Park Slope. You were sitting next to me, talking to your friend about how you’re a vegan but you secretly eat eggs. I really wish I had said something to you. Your voice was loud and distracted me from my work.

* * * 

At a bar celebrating my friend’s birthday in midtown. You were wearing Google Glass. I tried to mouth, “You look like a moron.” Did you record that?

Truth Facts

Data has fun at TruthFacts.com

Doc Ellis & The LSD No-No

In 1970, Pirates pitcher Doc Ellis threw a no-hitter while tripping on LSD. James Blagden animates his retelling of the day.

Winter Catcalls

Tom Toro & Benjamin Schwartz for The New Yorker.

The Beards - Got Me A Beard

Organize

Steven Wright Quotes

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

I drink a lot of coffee before I go to sleep and then I can dream fast.

I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it.

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

I went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

The Power of Music

Silly Old Spice video that turns interactive at the end, featuring the Flame Sax.